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How to Deal With Closed Doors

Let me start this blog post by saying I’ve sent a lot of time thinking about this subject.  What do you do when doors close?  What is the appropriate Christian response.  I am by no means a scholar but this is what God laid on my heart when I took time to wind down this Wednesday 

What is a closed door?  

So often we hear people say “If God closes one door he’ll open another” or the lesser known one “If God closes a door he’ll open a window”.  To begin with we make life miserable by saying this phrase.  I believe the reason this phrase doesn’t immediately lift our spirits is because it makes less of God.  It makes it seem like it’s God’s responsibility to provide for your happiness; that you ultimately know what’s best for you.  No one knows how to use an invention better than the creator.  Don’t try to diagnose the closed and open doors in your life, simply trust God in all things.  He made the doors, he’ll make a way.

What are the perks to closed doors?  

Who the heck can walk through every open doorway that crosses your path?  How idiotic would it be if you lived life walking through every doorway you could just because it was open?  Why do we feel like God owes us a life of open doors.  Closed doors provide clarity if you are willing to acknowledge them for what they really are…an opportunity for God to show how actively he’s involved in your life.  Closed doors do not mean that God has forsaken you or denied you something that was meant for you.  Closed doors sanctify Christians.  Sanctification is denying you something you think you want or need in exchange for something better, Christ.  Don’t try to pry open closed doors.

God is the God of all doors.  

Doors in your life whether open or closed ultimately serve as an opportunity to reflect the glory of God.  God is glorified in his creation.  Trust that no matter where your life is headed, if you put your faith and trust in God, God is glorified.  You are doing exactly what you were created to do.  Closed doors and all 

Don’t Ask Me When Am I Having Kids. Here’s Why.

When did it become so acceptable to pry into people’s private lives?  I can’t tell you how many times I’m asked, “So…when are you having kids”.  Each time I get more and more uncomfortable and at this point I feel like it’s my duty to educate on why you shouldn’t ask couples when they are having kids.

They have been trying to no avail.

What a blow to someone’s self confidence.  What a heartbreaking thing to be brought up just because you’re curious.  I have not personally experienced this but I know women who have.  Every time a friend of theirs gets pregnant they are reminded of what their heart desires but their body can’t fulfill.  The last thing they need is you bringing that up.

They just suffered through a miscarriage.

Studies reveal that anywhere from 10-25% of all clinically recognized pregnancies will end in miscarriage.  That could be anywhere between every 1 out of 10 or 1 of 4 women you meet.  Miscarriage is an awful reality of childbearing and can be extremely painful both physically and mentally for a woman.  And most women don’t broadcast it.  So you have no idea what’s happened behind closed doors.  So without even realizing it your question could easily turn from sheer curiosity to insensitive in a moments notice.

That’s a subject of contention in their marriage.

What if the wife wants children but the husband does not?  I know lots of couples who choose to stay together in spite of their differences about children so asking the question could potentially bring up a lot of buried emotions.

They don’t like/want kids.

You ask the question because you view children as a gift from God and they can’t stand them.  There are plenty of normal functioning adults who just don’t get along well with kids.  It is a special skill.  Asking them is a quick way to make them feel guilty about their decision when in reality a person who doesn’t like kids would make the worst parent ever.

They do want to have kids…someday.

Perhaps they simply want to be prepared, financially stable or at least more stable than they are now before they have kids.  They have discussed as a couple the timing that seems right for them and feel satisfied with it.  Your question could cause them to feel guilt that they want to wait and could potentially cause issues in their marriage over your simple question.

To put it simply, this question is none of your business.

I don’t say this to be harsh, I just say this to communicate that although we live in a world where the internet allows people a bird’s eye view into our lives, there are some topics that are off limits…or should be.  We need to be more respectful of people’s privacy and leave that question off the table.  Although the world looks at my husband and I and tells us that we have a duty to create people who look like us, we plan to adopt/mentor kids one day.  Didn’t Christ adopt us?

To redeem those who were under the law, so that we might receive adoption as sons. And because you are sons, God has sent the Spirit of his Son into our hearts, crying, “Abba! Father!” So you are no longer a slave, but a son, and if a son, then an heir through God. Galatians 4:5-7

There are plenty of children who already exist without loving parents and our hearts desire to is share of love of Christ with them and call them our own.  So technically I’m not “having kids” and no nothing’s wrong with me.  I will follow the Lord’s lead and when he says go I’ll go.  And that my friend is the end of that :)

My Degree Was a Waste…Both of Them

Both my undergraduate degrees were in theatre and guess what I’m doing now?  Not theatre.  You could say that it’s like I purchased a $25,000 car and kept it parked in the garage.  You could even say that I am entitled to buyer’s remorse but am I bitter…no.  Do I believe my degrees were an utter waste of time…absolutely not. Or should I say, I don’t think that anymore. In all honesty my peace about the stacks of student loan debt I have and the two pieces of paper I have to show for it came directly from God.  All my life I had been training to be a Broadway actress.  That was my goal but the important thing to remember this goal wasn’t even remotely rooted in reality.  I came up with this life plan when I was 7 years old and thought that Broadway was a theater in NYC not a street.  I took the classes, went to an arts school and majored in theatre in college but during my senior year I made a decision that changed my life forever.  I decided to say yes to my husband and no the pursuit of a Broadway career.  I traded spots.  Instead of preparing monologues for casting calls, I would be the person on the other side of the table.  I WISH I could say that when my life went from stage to film I was so excited about it.  I WASN’T.  Well not initially.  I was bitter.  I was resentful. I was embarrassed.  God why did you give me gifts, encourage me to go to school, pay $25,000 for two pieces of paper just to start a business with my husband?  I don’t need a degree to that!  I thought I was “called” to theatre so how was I supposed to be carrying out God’s will without theatre.  Our youth pastor Bryan Rigg described this situation so perfectly last Sunday.  You live life looking at God like a master archer.  You’ve got your target in view and God pulls back on the arrow and it flies right over your target.  You feel like God missed the mark.  But what you don’t realize is 500 feet away God’s actually hit the bull’s eye.  It’s not our job to determine what our calling is.  God designed us all for a specific purpose and who are we to tell him he got it wrong.  Our job is to serve him knowing that EVERYTHING, ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING happens just as God willed it happen.

being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. Philippians 1:6

Our God doesn’t flounder and he doesn’t make mistakes.  Your degree.  Your debt. That’s in God’s will for you.  Here I am almost 3 years later after my husband started our business and I can honestly say…this makes WAY MORE SENSE THAN BROADWAY.  I’m actually introverted.  People drain me.  How on Earth did I think moving to a crowded city was a good idea?  I also love the mountains and open spaces.  I love my church and I don’t like traffic.  I am just where God wants me and it feels good.  There is no need to be embarrassed, bitter or resentful because I came out of college a strong woman of God and I know that was no mistake.  And I trust that the Lord will continue to sanctify me while I muddle through the process of paying off this debt.  Be Free.

 

Beautiful Words from Saint Theresa (thanks Terry Bodine for pointing this out)

 

May today there be peace within.

May you trust God that you are exactly where you

are meant to be.

May you not forget the infinite

possibilities that are born of faith.

May you use those gifts that you have received,

and pass on the love that has been given to you.

May you be content knowing you are a child of God.

Let this presence settle into your bones,

and allow your soul the freedom to sing,

dance, praise and love.

It is there for each and every one of us.